Lockdown has changed my life forever….. : catmann

September 26, 2020

……and probably yours too. I knew my mental health was deteriorating at the end of last year. I lost my focus and drive. I was struggling to fall asleep at night and tired all day long. Constantly overthinking, my head was like a washing machine. In late March I self-referred for some talking therapy and in early April I discussed and changed my medication. It was all too late to stop me from trying to numb the pain. I was worried and stressed about a number of different things and the announcement of the lockdown was the final straw. The thought of not being able to see anyone socially scared the hell out of me. I had nearly a month off of work.

Although I have lived on my own for over a year I’ve always relied on socially distracting myself and I was hardly ever on my own. I was scared, in fact, I was terrified. Alone with just my thoughts………my idea of hell.

However, it turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had to rely purely on myself for the first time in my life. It was time to make some life-changing decisions, and this time I have to get it right.

I called the samaritans to talk things through, they were fantastic.

I have had various talking therapies in the past, they helped to massively change my outlook on life, but didn’t address the underlying problem. I was still constantly overthinking, anxious, scared and as far as I could see, for no reason at all. I needed to do something that I had never done before, something that would change me for the rest of my life.

I spent my time off researching different therapies and approaches.

It was a daily struggle just to get out of bed. I needed to push myself just to function. Slowly I got myself into a daily routine. I would walk everyday, call my daughters, my son and call my friends. Within a week, I was able to actually go shopping for myself.

I started to meditate and learned to silence my over active mind for brief moments of time , so I could live in the moment. It was hard, very hard. I pushed myself further than I ever have before.

Slowly, being on my own became easier. Although constantly anxious, I learned to talk to myself differently. Instead of always beating myself up, I would talk kindly. Praising myself for how far I had come. It really helped.

I’m still finding it hard to sleep properly and I’m tired all day long lacking focus. But, the part I feared the most, being on my one is now my safe haven. I watch lots of meditation/ hypnotherapy videos on YouTube, they help massively. I bought an amazing book called “I am enough” by Marisa Peer. It comes with a free hypnosis download which i listen to evey night in bed. It was through her web site https://marisapeer.com/ that I discovered rapid transformational therapy.

I have my first session of rapid transformational therapy later this morning. It with a man based locally that was trained by Marisa herself. I’m by nervous and excited at the same time.

So, if it wasn’t for the lockdown, I would never have had the time alone to research different approaches or push myself. I would have done what I have always done. Relied on other people to ease my pain and help me forget. I have a long way to go, but I am proud of how far I have come.

In every negative there is a positive if you look hard enough.

About the Writer:

“I’m martin, aka catmann due to me having experienced many near death events. I’ve started this blog for many reasons. I have suffered with mental health illness for most of my life. I want to raise awareness of mental illness and make it okay to talk about it, and ask for help.”

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